this is craziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

i havent been on my xanga for about a whole yr!!!!!

i cant even begin to say wuts happend...but ill try...

so my last entry i talkd about that guy i met...we went out...for like 2months...then we broke up a week b4 valentines day..i dated some guys...then i met bobby. this guy who i was in love with. ill never forget it...i was workin at rite aid...n he came up 2 my line 3 times...bought the same thing b4 he said sumthin to me....we tlked...i friggen fell in love with him...he played with my emotions...uhmm...i tlkd to more guys....had the buick..that was a mess...missed 33 days of school in my junior yr...saw Mariah in march at the BET blueprint special...she told me she loved me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The emancipation of mimi was one, if not the biggest cd of 2005...we belong togehter was the biggest song of the yr...and the biggest of Maiah's carrer...it went #1!!!!!!!!!!!!...me and my mom were at each others throats...i met martin...my most recent ex...we went out till aug...he stayed here...we went to live 8...watched the fireworks...he was always on his cell phone or always lookin at other girls...i got a job at red lobster in aug...that night i got the job i saw bobby...it was amazing..didn tlk to him for along time and got fed up and moved on...melissa passed away...then maura...then school came...becky n sean broke up...she met jeff...and now i barely see her lol...amy and andrew broke up...joe moved in....finally talked to francis at rite aid...but he stopped callin...hes so cute tho...uhm....and thats about it....im not really sure about life right now...i ran into bobby the other night and he wants to explan things to me bcuz he feels like i hate him now...u broke my heart 39203230 times...no i dont hate u at all. im so tired of the games that guys play...why cant i jus find one that would call me? someone who doesnt jus wanna fuck...cuz i wont and dont do that. im nota hoe...wuteva.

I just want loveeeeeeeeee

is that to much to ask for?

i hate when ppl play games.

but im trying not to stress so much bcuz...im a great girl...im not concited but i kno i have a lot to offer...and it kills me when they do this shit to me...i hate guys. i do.

maybe if i pray, one day, maybe just maybe ill find someone worth my time?

hmmm wutever.

im emotionally drained now lol

S0 I gotta study A LOT but I hadda write sumthin in here...Xanga=My Therapy haha ne ways so this weekend...Friday...I thought i was gon be doin shit...NOPE. We had off that day so i hadda doctors appointment...jus a yearly checkup and everything was g00d...then after that I came home and did nuthin =X and then later that night I was on the phone wit my friend for like 4 hrs till 1:30 am haha it was crazy...then yesterday (sat) I went out wit my dad as ussual...N he was askin me wut i wanted for xmas...and i hate wen he does because I can TELL he dont wanna get me nething so im always like i dunno....then I was sayin that i was feelin really depressed N shit cause Xmas and i feel kinda lonley...and then on my birthday I feel even worse cause im always alone that day too. So hes like "well you make it that way" and im like "wutta u mean?" and im thinkin and thinkin N hes like "Nevermind..." and im like "No i wanna kno, I dont think its funny. If ur insultin me i wanna kno why..." and he goes "nonono..." and he was bout to tell me and then i realize wha he was sayin...bout me not meetin his girlfriend and because I WONT make time for her, I cant see him. So i was bout the flip out! I was like "oooooo i kno wut ur sayin! I hate that bullshit. Like im supposed to make time for you? Im not the adult. Im your daughter." and he goes "No, it dont work that way" why jus so you can get some ass, u cant make time for your daughter? now come on. Thats messed up. I dont care ne more tho. Its useless to try and make him see that it is wrong. In order for me to have time with MY FATHER, I have to make time for some chick I dunno and will never kno? Hell no. Hes not worth it. But then in the car i was gettin really upset, and I started cryin, and I wasnt like makin any noise so he didn kno I was for awhile but then it got really bad and i couldnt stop the tears and he goes "r u cryin? wuts wrong?" Like im gonna tell u, the person who cares the least about me? Im jus another hole in his pocket. but ne way so i calmed down after awhile...I dunno exactly what it was that made me upset..i think i was jus thinkin like about xmas and how he is...GRRRRRRRRR...so then I went to Sindy's house and I got there b4 she got home haha so I was waitin N then her friend Josh came and waited with me till she got home...He was so cute! He wears glasses and hes got a lil goatee goin on and hes a lil taller than me and hes kinda husky and he was soo nice! I was like *thinks* hehe me likey! haha but ne way so Sindy finally came home and we went inside ..a lil after that Cristian came over and  we all went to da basement N den we jammed, played video games N then Sindy put in a movie (day after 2mororw i think?) and everyone was downstairs haha Sindy,Cris, Josh, Me, Jess (her sister) and Sindy's mom and dad...then a lil later Cris's cousins came over and I knew wut the 1 looked like because I met him b4 but the other one I couldnt see cause all the lights were out in the basement since we were watchin the movie...so then a lil later the lady came to pick us up to go to bowlin and me josh and sindy were in the back and I was all like *sigh* hes so warm! haha but then hes on the fone w/ his boi N hes talkin about some girl he likes @ school...*sigh* ppl say hes not like drop dead gourgeous but i thought he was the cutest thing ever i think it was cause he had sucha good personality too...=X and he likes dat gurl at his school and i was like *heart shatters* haha but i was like oh wells =( but then we got to bowlin and I saw Cris's cousin, the one who I couldnt see cause it was all dark in the basement...Good gawd he was fine!!!!!!!!!!!! I  kept glancin at him and i was like oh my gawd wut do i do?! I was kinda gettin shy so i didnt introduce myself to him haha but then he started talkin to me and  he was askin me where i go to school N wut grade and I was like this is good, were makin progress! and he sat next to me a few times and i was like *heart beats 290929 miles a min* haha and at the end wen we were leavin, i was goin back to the table to get my coat and he was goin the opposite way and i was like dont leeeave haha but then i was all like *plays dumb* i dunno where were goin? wheres the lady? and he said "r u goin back to sindy's?" and i said "No im goin home, r u?" and he said "it depends on my brother" DAMNIT! so im all like to sindy "I cant get over how cute he was!!" aka ask him if hes intrested and if so, GIVE HIM MY NUMBER! haha but im gonna ask 2mororw =D but I dunno, he seemed intrested...i hope so=/  I gave up on Josh...=( *sigh* I thot he was sucha sweetie tho N how many guys are really that nice ne more? but i dunno...i guess all I can do is jus not stress about menz cause it dont do ne good...but wuteva =X so thennnnn! after I got home (this is like 12 :30) and my moms like "u wanna go for a drive!?" and im like "WHAT!?" so we hoped in the car haha my neighbors son left the car here cause he dont like drivin at night and so I drove me and my mom to the acme and this is aroun 1 am...we got home around 2 am..=|  but dats ok, i like drivin =D N today nada...but now i needa study so ill holla soon =D

*muahz*

G

Currently Playing Destiny Fulfilled By Destiny's Child see related

Hey hey hey =) Just doin a lil update cuz im bored! How was everyones thanksgiving? Mine was good. Didn do much...Wed night was my gurl Melissa's Birthday partay, it was jus me her and our friend Katie and we went to tha sixers game. it was fun as helllll! haha me and Katie luuuuuuv Allen!  And I met a cutie there! But he goes to college in chi town so I wont be seein him =( he wanted to chill this weekend but i was thinkin i shouldnt jus go w/ him bymyself...and then yesterday he said he wanted to see me b4 he left 4 school N i said im not feelin well n i wasnt lyin i felt like shiiiiit haha but ne way so i was like well if i can make it out wutta u wanna do? and hes like i dunno wat would u wanna do? and im thinkin well he might be thinkin hes gonna get some before he leaves and i aint no ho so I didn see him. But hes soooooo fyne. I was lookin @ him like MMMMM MMM MMMMMM! ha! See...his friend talked to me first so i was like ok hes cool, N he gotta sexy ass deep voice on tha phone haha but then he puts the guy on the phone that I was talkin bout who goes to college in chi town and hes like "u kno i was tryna talk to u but my boy got to u first but i guess theres nothin I can do now" and im thinkin YES THERE IS BABY haha and i was like "I guess not?" and he goes "haha well leme kno if theres nething i can do to change that" and im like "haha ok" and hes like "Be real, u wanted me to talkto u" and im like "well i did see u and i did want u 2 talk to me" so im all happy N shit but hes in Chicago N he prolly forgot all about me already lol =( but damn...he was finnnnne! haha but yea dats about it 4 now. Imma go do some homework

*mUah*

G